While I was working on a project last night, I came across this short piece from Sichot HaRan (Rabbi Nachman’s Wisdom) #121. I’ve taught it dozens of times and seen it even more than that, but it hit me with a new force. I literally felt as if the Rebbe zl slapped me in the face. Here is the piece:
The Rebbe once lectured us to pray with concentration and energy. He emphasized that a person must exert himself to pray with all his strength. He said, “You put as much energy into your prayers as I did into pulling up the anchor.”
The Rebbe was once travelling by ship when an emergency arose. Everybody on board—crew and passengers—was pressed into service and forced to pull the rope with all his might to weigh anchor. “I went through the motions of pulling with all my strength, but really I wasn’t using any energy at all. I was actually pretending. I was being coerced, so I acted as if I was pulling with all my might. The is what your prayer ‘with energy and concentration’ is like.”
I had always taken away the obvious message: you’re not really putting in genuine effort; and obvious message #2: c’mon—you call that trying? But last night it hit me hard when I realized that the Rebbe zl was telling me why I wasn’t putting honest effort into my davening. I feel like I’m being coerced. On a subtle level, part of why I am in shul three times a day is that I have to be there.
Definitely some part of me wants to daven or I wouldn’t do it all. But since not all of my self is invested in davening, I don’t invest all of my energy into davening. I’m pretending to pull the rope to weigh anchor. I’m making all the appropriate gestures and noises that come along with it, but really I’m putting on a show. Sometimes it’s such a good show I fool even myself.
But as with anything in life that a person feels called to do, he’ll give it everything he’s got. Hearty davening!
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